The first trimester

She was a surprise, and I say this because Brian and I had only been dating a few months when we found out we were expecting. But from the moment I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test I knew everything was happening as it was meant to be. The idea of an abortion never crossed my mind, not even once. Ever since I was a little girl the one thing I had always dreamt of being was a Mom. I just always knew when the right guy came along and it was meant to be it would be. I think the initial panic set in, and we had moments of “this is happening so fast” or my Husbands favorite “We haven’t even been together a year” . But neither one of us ever mentioned terminating the pregnancy, we were in a good place, we loved each other, we had just met each others families for the first time and we faced this pregnancy as partners.

We told immediate family and close friends of our exciting news right away, but I wasn’t prepared to tell everyone or make some big Facebook announcement until I was out of the first trimester, I didn’t want to jinx anything and I was from the start paranoid of every decision I made.

The first trimester came and went so quickly, the morning sickness hit every night around 7 pm, and the craving for tacos didn’t seem to fade away. At my second visit with my Dr I asked her about the  Harmony test, which according to Google search  is:    “When you are pregnant, your blood contains fragments of your developing baby’s DNA. Harmony Prenatal Test is a new type of test that analyzes DNA in a sample of your blood to predict the risk of Down syndrome (trisomy 21) and other genetic conditions called trisomy 18 and trisomy 13″  the other upside to this test is it can see if there are any Y chromosomes present in your blood, which would mean you are expecting a Boy as Women don’t have Y chromosomes.  My Doctor explained the test to me, and I was instantly sold, the fact that I could possibly know what gender my baby was a whole 5 weeks before the 20 week mark? Done. Sign me up. They did the blood draw, and gave me a little card with an ID number to check online in 7 days for my results. I obviously went home and set up an online account and checked the website before my blood sample had even left the lab I’m sure.  7 days rolled around finally and as I kept hitting refresh waiting for my results nothing popped up, So I gave it the extra days mentioned in the 7-10 business days, and still nothing. So I called my Dr’s office and wasn’t given any real answers, so I called the company that did the testing. They told me my sample was inconclusive, that there wasn’t enough of the baby’s DNA in my blood so early on, but we could retest in a week or so. The company was nice enough to send a home nurse to my house to administer the blood draw and I was given a new card with another 7-10 day waiting period. The 7-10 days came around and again no results were posted online. Once again I called my Dr’s office and I was told the results weren’t in. By this time I had thought up every scenario, I was paranoid beyond belief that the results weren’t showing up because something was wrong. Then I get a call from my Dr’s assistant, she starts assuring me the test was fine, nothing came back abnormal and my baby was healthy. I asked her if there were any Y chromosomes present, or if they could specify the gender and she said it wasn’t noted, she gave me some pleasantries and the call was over. But something just felt odd, so I being the pain in the ass I am, called the company again, I gave them my barcode number and they sounded puzzled when I explained the conversation I just had with my Doctors assistant. They told me they were confused why I would have received a call like that because the test was inconclusive once again. I was beyond livid, I called my Doctors office back immediately, asked to speak to my Doctor who was unavailable, I asked to speak to the office manager at this point. I was so confused as to why I would be told everything was fine, when it was inconclusive.

At this point I was hormonal, pregnant and completely confused as to why no results were showing up still. The obvious first question that crossed my mind and tortured me was ” Is there something wrong with my baby” . As someone who had never been pregnant before, my hormones were really all over the place, and my poor Husband was a total champ dealing with my crazy ass. So he’s sitting there looking at me wandering around the house yelling and sobbing on the phone asking the office manager of my Doctors office to give me some kind of explanation and they really couldn’t. I was so confused, I felt like they were being mean to me, I felt like I was going crazy. Finally my Doctor calls me back and explains that her Assistant had read the results wrong and she apologized and offered to order the test a third time, that wasn’t happening for me, so she told me about another similar test by a different company. At this point I was just over it all, I had one week left to find out the gender of our baby and I was just so devastated by being repeatedly told inconclusive I was afraid of hearing it again.  I have to note when I say devastated, I meant it. Pregnancy hormones can make you feel devastated if you don’t get your favorite tacos or if your husband eats the last of something.  Those hormones are a bitch and my husband will attest to that completely.

We took the competitors test and got the results back in 4 days. In the meantime my crazy ass had already looked up a company that offered 3D ultrasounds, and I was determined to find out if this little baby inside of me was a he or she. My Husband was at work and I hadn’t told him of my new plan, I wanted to surprise him. As they were performing the ultrasound they laughed because this little baby was wiggling about but keeping their legs crossed the whole time, I started rubbing my belly and talking to the baby and then they gave us a clear picture, she was a girl. They printed off pictures and gave me the option of having her heartbeat recorded and placed into a stuffed animal, I picked a lamb and I bought a little pink newborn hat. As soon as I walked out of the office I instantly called my Mom and told her the amazing news. I had hoped for a girl from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I would have been happy either way honestly as long as I had a healthy baby. But in all honesty I wanted a daughter, I had grown up seeing how close my Mother and Grandmother were, and I loved the relationship my Mom and I had and I couldn’t wait to have that with a daughter of my own.  I drove home thinking of ways to tell Brian, when I decided on taking a small gift box and I put the ultrasound pictures inside, with the little pink hat on top. Brian got home and I explained a little of what my day entailed and I handed him the box. He looked at me suspiciously as I started recording him on my phone. As he opened the box and moved the tissue paper away he saw that little pink hat , he looked at me and said “Its a girl?” I laughed and replied yes, and he said “damn’t”.

At this point I was over the moon, I knew Brian was too he was just scared. I think every father that finds out they are expecting a girl is scared honestly. I know my own father was. But I explained to him she would be Daddy’s little girl, and I was sure at some point she would favor him over me. Before we found out we were expecting we had jokingly talked about baby names one night, I mentioned that as a girl, you often think of baby names and call dibs on them amongst your friends, he rolled his eyes, but as soon as I said Harper Grace he loved it. It had always been my “dream” name for a daughter, I thought Harper was a beautiful name, and Grace was my late Grandmothers middle name.  That we could agree on instantly. The boys names were another story.

I had a little onesie with our last name and the due date printed on it, I decided it was the time to make a facebook post. I included the little pink hat and her name in the caption. The minute I posted it the texts and comments started pouring in from both my side and Brians.  Shit just got real.

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