15 Minutes

Thats all it took me to pack up my Daughters nursery just now. 15 Minutes. To pack up the memories, the dreams, the headbands and shoes. Its all stuffed in 5 giant plastic tubs in the closet. The pack n’ play disassembled and wedged in, the bathtub on top next to my Boppy and pregnancy pillow. As I was shoving the first giant tub into the closet what did I see, that fucking lamb. The same lamb that I listened to my first trimester glowing with happiness, the same lamb that has a recording of my Daughters heartbeat. Yet again that lamb is hidden and shoved into the closet full of baby stuff. We are clearing the room because we have guests coming for Thanksgiving and I knew this needed to be done. I was ready for this to be done, but I didn’t think once it was done it would hit me like a ton of bricks. I told my Husband it needed to be done soon, and rather than wait I just did it.

I pushed the crib into the corner and covered it with a sheet, thats what you do with furniture you aren’t using right? If I knew how I’d take the damn thing apart and hide it. But I keep telling myself and crossing my fingers that soon enough we will need it again. Soon enough we will be expecting and figuring out if we will need boy things, or if the entire filled nursery of baby girl items will be put to use. I think about if we were to be blessed with another baby, a girl especially we would be set, everything down to the pacifiers. The only thing we would really need would be diapers because we donated our entire massive stash to the Hurricane Harvey diaper drive.  I keep hoping and praying that soon enough it’ll happen when it’s supposed to, I know Brian is terrified of the idea so I’m not rushing him or pushing it on him, I just want us to be parents, seeing Brian hold a friends kid kills me, this man, this wonderful man I married is supposed to be a father and god he’s going to be an incredible one.

For the record I’ve had a pretty stellar week as far as not having any major meltdowns, I’ve been pretty good for a while now, and then packing everything up, seeing that fucking lamb. It all hit me like a ton of bricks.

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